So, I'm back at it - sort of. I had my crazy surgery. My plumbing is mostly working properly. I spent the better part of 2 months "on the bench." I officially got released by the doc. Now I just feel like I've lost my groove.
I ate too much over the Holidays and gained back a little of the weight I lost during 2010. Then I had surgery. I had delusions of losing all that Holiday weight by the time I had my post-op appointment. I didn't do that. BUT, the good news is that I didn't GAIN any weight while I was recovering and spending a couple of months feeling sorry for myself.
Now it's been a full month since my post-op appointment and I STILL haven't lost all that Holiday weight. I have lost some. I haven't gained more. I'm back to working out pretty much every day. Still, I'm just not feeling it.
My head isn't in the game. I'm doing OK with the food. I stay mostly "in the box" most of the time, but the weekends are hard. I make excuses to add veggies to the box or to eat a salad or something when we eat out. I haven't been able to suck it up and get 100% in the box with no "real" food. I know that if I do that, I can break through this plateau.
I stay sort of in the box. I work out every day. The scale just kind of hovers. I debate with myself. I give myself pep talks. I still just kinda half ass do this. The scale still hovers.
I'm stuck. I don't know what to do. No one else can motivate me. No one else can inspire me. This is up to me. I have to suck it up and drop these last 50ish pounds. I know if I would just get 100% in the box for several months I could do it. But I've done the HMR thing for so long, the thought makes me a little sick. I'm tired of HMR. Also, a little voice in my head tells me I'll have to learn how to maintain a healthy weight and eat real food.
Lately I find myself in this constant internal debate about the speed and "ease" of HMR vs. the logic of eating meal replacements and the fatigue of continuing to do the program.
I have loads of friends doing Weight Watchers or Nutrisystem or the latest low carb (Atkins in a different package) diet. I have loads of friends doing well and loads of friends struggling. I know that there is an answer. I know that everyone has an individual answer. While WW works for some, it doesn't work for others. I know HMR works for me. I guess I'm typing all this in hopes of motivating and inspiring myself.
I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up 50 pounds lighter. While I feel loads better than I did a year ago, I don't feel as good as I did 4 or 5 months ago. I was hoping I'd bounce back with the workouts by now. But, after my little sabbatical, I've been back a month and still feel like I'm miles away from where I was pre-surgery.
I feel tired and fat and sluggish and unmotivated. UGH!
